Violence has long been intertwined with masculinity, creating a culture where being strong often means being capable of violence. Boys who become men often brush off incidents of violence as insignificant and don't realize the impact it has on their lives. However, the truth is that violence has the power to shape how individuals interact with the world, and it can perpetuate cycles of violence for generations.
In this episode, Brad Mewhort shared his experience of being severely bullied by a group of boys when he was 13 years old. One extreme example of the bullying was two boys grabbing each of his legs and having a tug of war with him. His father helped him learn how to fight back and defend himself, which lessened the bullying to some extent. However, he learned valuable lessons from standing up to his bullies but also began to believe that violence was necessary for him to be safe in the world. This belief carried through into his early adulthood, leading to encounters with nonviolence in different contexts.
Brad dreams of a world where violence is not necessary to avoid violence. However, he also recognizes that sometimes being strong means being capable of violence, and this is often glorified in our society. As such, he aspires for a version of masculinity that values peacefulness, healing work, boundaries, protectiveness, and self-awareness rather than just being capable of nonviolence.
Brad had difficulty giving a simple answer on how to handle violent behavior among boys, as this is a really difficult topic and differs among boys and their contexts. He emphasizes the importance of men doing their deep healing work to end cycles of violence in the long term.
The question itself is problematic because it highlights a failure of adults and society to provide healthy and safe environments for boys to grow up in. Working with the system, such as school administration, can be a place to start in preventing violent behavior, but it may not be a perfect solution and can sometimes make things worse. Resorting to violence for self-defense is sometimes unfortunately the only answer, but the speaker hopes to create a safer world to drastically reduce this need.
The role of violence in shaping masculinity is complex and multifaceted. It is not easy to break free from ingrained beliefs about being strong and capable of violence. However, it is important for individuals to recognize how violence has impacted their lives and do their deep healing work to end cycles of violence. By valuing peacefulness, healing work, boundaries, protectiveness, and self-awareness, we can work towards creating a world where violence is no longer necessary to be considered "strong" or "masculine." It is up to all of us to do the work needed to create a safer and more peaceful future.
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