Episode 99: Pursuing Sober Living with Megan Webb

🎶 Podcast Intro: Welcome to the pursuing uncomfortable podcast, where we give you the encouragement you need to lean into the uncomfortable stuff life puts in front of you, so you can love your life. If you are ready to overcome all the yuck that keeps you up at night, you're in the right place. I am your host, Melissa Ebken let's get going. 🎶

🎶 Episode Intro:  In this episode of Pursuing Uncomfortable, I'm joined by Megan Webb to discuss the journey of pursuing sober living. Megan shares her personal story of addiction, recovery, and finding her purpose and helping others on their own sober journey. We delve into the importance of support, listening to the inner voice, and the subtle signs that may indicate a problematic relationship with alcohol. Join us as we shed light on the path to sobriety and the resources available for those seeking a healthier, alcohol free lifestyle. 🎶

Episode:
Melissa Ebken  0:01  
Megan, welcome to the podcast. How are you today?

Megan Webb  0:05  
I'm so good. Thank you for having me, Melissa. Great to see you. 

Melissa Ebken  0:09  
It's my pleasure. Great to see you, too. So Megan, introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you and what you do.

Megan Webb  0:17  
Sure, yeah. Well, I am Megan Webb from Sydney, Australia. And I'm an alcohol recovery coach. And that's through This Naked Mind with Annie Grace. I'm a mum to three kids. And I work with children on the autism spectrum. So I'm pretty busy, because I also have my own coaching business. And single parenting, so it's all happening. So that's me in a nutshell.

Melissa Ebken  0:48  
You've got a lot of things going on in your life for sure. As do a lot of folks.

Megan Webb  0:53  
Yeah, juggling, juggling. Yeah.

Melissa Ebken  0:56  
What challenges have you faced with raising children with autism or working with children with autism?

Megan Webb  1:04  
Oh, no, it's, um, it's very interesting. I've so at my school, I work at the full spectrum. So we have some, you know, high needs and lower needs. And I guess some of the main challenges are that they can get quite upset when they're frustrated. And that can result in some injuries. So, you know, and I think the other frustration is just wanting to understand them, but they're not being able to communicate so much. So that can be pretty tough as well.

Melissa Ebken  1:37  
And what are your biggest rewards?

Megan Webb  1:42  
Ah, look, I think, I think number one is just knowing that you're giving the family and the parents, first of all, well really just someone else to understand and love their kid too, their children. I think that's, that's the top thing. Just working with the family or just helping the family and then knowing there's someone else in there batting for their kid as well. And just saying the the steps that the kids do take at work at school, however small it might seem to us knowing how really how big it is for the child.

Melissa Ebken  2:21  
That's wonderful. Thank you for the work that you do.

Megan Webb  2:24  
Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's, it's it's really rewarding. It really is. It's, it's tough at times. But it's, I would I wouldn't change it. Definitely. 

Melissa Ebken  2:36  
For sure. And you're also an alcohol recovery coach. Tell us a little bit about that.

Megan Webb  2:42  
Yes, I am. So I do want me to go back and tell my story on how I got there?

Melissa Ebken  2:49  
Sure. We'd love to hear it. That's what we're all about here. Let's hear your story. 

Megan Webb  2:54  
Yes. Okay. So, back, when I was a teenager at school, I was quite confident and I enjoyed getting out in front of the class and speaking. And then one day when I was 17, I got up in front of the class and I held the paper to talk, to read the notices out and the paper started shaking. And it was that day that I I developed a social phobia. So I couldn't speak publicly, like in front of people that I like the class, I couldn't eat in front of people, I couldn't drink in front of people because I would shake. So it was it was an anxiety disorder. I had already had, I already had a sort of very quite severe underlying anxiety since I was a kid so but that kind of presented, really in just a lot of worry and destructive thoughts. So this shaking was something that just came out of nowhere, it affected everything because I had to hide that, you know, I didn't want people to know. So that was very difficult. So I was 17 and at that point, I'd never had a drink of alcohol. Believe it or not, because most people have kids of that age had but I hadn't. And then when I was 18 I discovered alcohol. And I discovered that I could stop the shaking with that, like just have a drink and oh, look at that. I'm more confident. I'm not shaking. So it became although I didn't just have one drink I should say there it straightaway. I had too many. So it went from the initial half hour of Ah I feel confident and in control to I was just messy you know so.

Melissa Ebken  4:49  
Now were still in school when this began? 

Megan Webb  4:52  
No, so this happened literally after just after I'd left school. So we have in Australia what's called the HSC, which is our finishing certificate when you're about 18. So it's called year 12. So that finished at the end of November. This is December that I discovered alcohol because the parties started. Sure. And I was straight into it in a big way. And, you know, thinking back, I was thinking, this is helping so much, but I just wasn't really realizing how stupid I was looking, you know, I was really drinking too much. And in doing stupid things, I'd be better off if I'd just been shaking. So that that went on. Well, it was self medicating really, because it was getting rid of these horrible symptoms I had that were very distressing, you know, they affected my every day, my work. I ended up working in TV in my early 20s. And just behind the scenes in the newsroom of a big TV station in Sydney, and I had to roll the auto cue for the speaker to follow the script. And I'd shake. So every day, I'd panic about having that job. Even though I loved it, because I love being in the studio, it wasn't actually my job description. So I never knew if I was going to have to do it each day, and it just was a constant fear. And I always managed to do it and no one knew. But I shook it out was off. So just living with that stress and fear was very hard. So the drinking really just got rid of all that, you know, I just could numb out. So So in my early years, it was weekends, it was just for partying, dinner, that was it. And then I traveled overseas and as a 22 23 year old, did two years over there, and everyone drank. So I was no different. You know, I didn't stand out at this point. Nor, and same in Australia ever. All my friends were drinking, so nothing unusual. I was pregnant at 24. And that was easy to not drink. So I had my first daughter young. And I didn't drink for a while after I had her and then the partying started again, not not too often, maybe monthly or fortnightly and then throughout the next 15 17 years when I had two more kids and and always managed just easily stopped drinking while I was pregnant. But I always got back into it, you know, a year later or whatever, and still did the binging. So still just went out on weekends or, but it could be two or three nights in a row. And then when my youngest who's he's now 14, when he was about one or two, the mother's group, we wanted to go out. And I remember one in the mother's saying, oh, we should practice drinking, get back into it, you know, and she was just meaning. She was just having a laugh. She didn't drink much, you know, so she, she probably didn't read well, she had no idea I I was thinking yes, yes, I'm going to practice. And by practice, you know, I just actually opened a bottle and probably had two glasses. And at that at the time, there was another woman in our group who was a drug and alcohol counselor. And she said, just be careful, that can lead to more. And I just brushed it off. But sure enough, I I would have a glass or two at night, and then slowly, slowly over the next 10 years or be less 8 years, that increased. And I would have and I'm not not, it wasn't every night. But it would increase that when I did open that bottle of wine, I might have three glasses or four. So it did slowly increase over the years. And then when I initially stopped drinking in 2018, I was drinking like one to two bottles of wine a night. So it had very much increased and I wasn't going out because I wanted to just be by myself. I didn't drink in the day, I had a job I parented well. So it was what you might hear as high functioning, you know? Did I, I'm reluctant to say alcoholi. I feel like it, lots of things went wrong at the time. My marriage was breaking down and it was just self medicating again. But it and so I stopped for 4-5 months then but then I went back onto it and then COVID hit. And as we all know COVID I think made or break a lot of people who drank so it became easier for me. It became accepted. I don't know if you remember Melissa but the means and things were like they were tea. There were cups of coffee with a tea bag, but then they did say like my daily vodka or something, you know, there were, and it just was everywhere on Facebook and that and then Zoom meetings and I know that my friends and I'd talk and say, oh, we should have a drink in the coffee mug, you know, just became more acceptable. I didn't drink through the day still, but I might have had one or two, which as we know, can increase over time. So I was aware, not to like just to be not go too far. You know, think then I was working from home. And I mean, that's quite tricky when I work at a school with children with autism, but for a period of time, they were home as well. So it was online and and then they didn't want to sit in the classroom online. So we had a lot of free time actually working from home. And it got to about August in 2021. And I thought, no, this is, this isn't gonna end well. And my daughter was very angry at me. She was 14 at the time, and she knew I was drinking in the lounge room at night. And she texts me from the bedroom, I hate you, you know, she was scared that I was drinking too much. So it wasn't a good situation. And I had split up with my husband at this point. So he got to a point and I thought this is just not going to end well. I need to stop this. So I looked online. And that's where I found a course by Annie Grace and Annie Grace, anyone that's sort of given drinking a pause or or stops will probably know her because she's got a really successful Balkan company that helps people take a break. So it was called the Live Alcohol Experiment. I signed up September 21. And every morning, every day, they'd have a coach on who would speak live. And one of them was Australian. And I thought that's what I want to do. Even though it was my beginning of the journey of stopping drinking, I knew I wanted to coach people to do the same because I think I've always known. Alcohol has played a big role in my life, but I wanted to learn how to get rid of it. It's been in my subconscious I think so. So once I did that course and stopped, I looked into the coaching. And that began, I signed up. And that began in January 2022. And 80 of us from around the world joined up and did that online together. And here I am. I'm certified through there, I started a podcast with a friend that I met there. And I haven't had a drink for 19 months. So yay. 

Melissa Ebken  12:43  
Yay, congratulations on your sobriety.

Megan Webb  12:46  
Thank you, thank you so much. And it's you know, I don't want to make it sound easy, because it's not. But it having that support and that community around me. I I feel like it has been easy. You know, just having so many people doing the same thing and having something to look forward to, you know, of course our coaching my podcasts. So it certainly helped.

Melissa Ebken  13:13  
How's your relationship with your daughter now?

Megan Webb  13:15  
A lot better. So she's actually doing the HSC that I spoke about the leaving certificate. She's currently doing that now. And yeah, look, because there's, I have an older daughter who's 25. Then I have this particular daughter who's 17 and my son's 14, and it's just created a safer environment home, I wanted them to feel home is the safe place and mum is the safe place. So that's definitely there for them. Yes. So she's relaxed a lot. And it was she was worried. And I don't blame her. But yeah, I feel good that because their dad's not really in the picture. I've created a space and they know that they can call me anytime if they need me. Home is where they can be themselves. No surprises, you know, I'm here. And if anything, I'll just be apart from working. I'll be just on the lounge watching some Netflix. They just know. Mums mums could now say yeah, it's really good. She's happy. Yeah.

Melissa Ebken  14:22  
What you've described seems like a really predictable process on one hand, but also a very identifiable process on another. And I don't know that there's a specific place along that timeline where you would be able to identify that this is when it became too much because sometimes people will have a drink to take the edge off and that doesn't go any further. And for other folks it does go a lot further and it causes disruptions but it would be difficult from what I hear in your story and from the stories of others to know that okay, now I've gotten into a place that I've crossed some kind of line. So can you tell us a little bit about that? And what that understanding is like, for you?

Megan Webb  15:18  
Yeah. And I think you're right. It's, there's nothing obvious that, you know, a person just suddenly goes, I've crossed that line, it's, I was speaking to someone the other day. And it's interesting, because on one hand feels like everything happened really quickly, that suddenly you were drinking too much, suddenly, you was out of control. But on the other hand, it's a really slow build up. So it's an interesting theme, because you don't really see it happening from a logical perspective, but subconsciously, I knew all along, there was a problem with how much I drank. So I always talk about this niggle in the back of your head. And I think, if you've got that, listen to it, but also saying that it's a journey. And most people don't just stop, you know, there's a lot of stops and starts. There's a lot of what I would say is I did a lot of research and looking for other people's support groups. That's how I found This Naked Mind. I also found other things along the way, but just a curiosity, I guess to me was there, along the way, and just knowing that I always did drink too much. Now, that's not going to happen for everyone. And I think it can, I can only really speak for myself, but I do know, a lot of people who are like me will be binge drinkers from the start. So I think if someone's sort of questioning, they might be able to see a person that, you know, I could never just have one. But the other thing that's really important is if you're questioning your drink, so it doesn't even matter. I have clients who might only have a few drinks a week, but if there's thinking that's not right for them, or they're feeling that they aren't performing 100% in their job or whatever, that's the same, you know, it's your, how you feel about it, if that's a problem for you reach out and find some help. And, and I don't mean a doctor, it doesn't have to be AA or anything like that. There's so many people that you can connect with even just, there are some online groups now that are everywhere, you know, meetup groups, people that don't drink, you know, just start to broaden that circle, so that you're not just doing drinking activities. But yeah, I definitely say it's when the voice in your head gets louder. It doesn't have to be that you're passing out drunk. Just listen to that voice. And yes, so for me, I can look back and know that that voice was always there, I think. But it started to become louder when my kids were older, and they were commenting. I could kind of hide it until then. And then also, I wasn't drinking at home. You know, I was just out partying a lot. And so when I came home, the kids didn't see that. But then as I started to just want to drink on my lounge at night, it became very obvious to them. And that was another warning sign to me. I didn't want to go and socialize because I couldn't drink as much as I wanted. Whereas at home, I could so you know, so there's lots of red flags. But I think listen to the voice in your head and you'll get a bit of an idea of how you're feeling about the situation and where you're at. And to me that that voice that niggle just wouldn't quiet. And so I started to listen.

Melissa Ebken  18:57  
I love this because we do so much comparison. When we're trying to figure out and label something. We don't have to be the falling down drunk to say that we have a problem. Or, and you know, I think a lot of people that I have spoken to anyway struggle with this, in that, well, I can't take services away from those who really need it because I'm not that. But if it's interfering with your life, you too need the services and you deserve to be served so that you can be whole and complete in your life. Or others will say I feel so much shame because I didn't have this horrible experience that led me to drink I don't even know why I started or how it began. But here I am. Either way, you deserve to be healthy and whole in your life. It's not just about how you stack up and your stories stack up stacks up against others, that's really irrelevant. It's how your story stacks up with your values, your conscience, your, your intuition, your spirit. And if that's disconnected, then it's time for you to seek help. And it's okay to seek help. 

Megan Webb  20:22  
Yes, absolutey, that is just so true. All of that. And I think you said it, everyone deserves help if they feel they need it. It this is an addictive substance. So chances are, it it will get worse. You're dealing with something that the idea behind it, well, that's, you know, alcohol does, you build a tolerance. And so you're going to want more. So you can't say that it won't get worse. Maybe it won't. But we're dealing with a substance here not, it's not your willpower, it's not being weak. This is a an addiction to something that's it, alcohol is a problem here. So everyone has a right to help. And I did go through that. I did go through the my trauma wasn't really very big, you know. Yes, I had some anxiety. But my parents were great, you know, so there was that I did have that cognitive dissonance where I didn't feel I had a right. But I have worked through that. And the trauma is trauma in your brain, our brains don't differentiate, and it you know, they're so that's what we do in the coaching. You know, like, there are clients that say, I'm just bored. And that's why I drink, but there's all there is something below it. And a lot of it can come down to things like fear, or not feeling worthy. And these are universal things that often are the, you know, the root of lots of issues. So working through that is just so incredible. And that's why I've come to this point. And I am, you know, able to talk about this because I've worked on all those things. So, like you said, learning, just not comparing everyone's got different circumstances and it does not matter. In the over in the scheme of things. What matters is that you've made you're making a choice, like you said spiritually, health wise, emotionally to, you know, to get healthy to, to live your authentic, true life. And to me, apart from my kids, I wanted to find my purpose and my passion. That was hugely important to me. I started to look at what am I doing here, you know, I am not on Earth to numb out and blackout. That's, that's not what I'm here for, you know, and I wanted to be healthy. I am turning 50 this year, I think it's an age when you start to really think about hold on what's the next, you know, 50 hopefully, you're going to hold. If I'm not at my best I'm gonna go downhill. So lots of things came into play for me, but I definitely want to be at my best and, you know, giving up alcohol, I had some health issues that I've been numbing out, and I had to have some dentist, Dentist work, nothing major, but I had neglected my teeth, because I never went to the dentist. So getting back into regular dentist routine is actually self care. And and then things like I had some some leg pain, which is the fibromyalgia type thing, but I could cover it up. So I had to work through that. But I'm so glad I got to deal with these things because they would have got worse. Yeah certainly. And I Yeah. And so now I just I just walk a lot and try and I try to be healthy now. I've given up alcohol, so I have sugar binges. You know, I'm not gonna beat myself up over that. But I just feel on top of everything. I'm giving myself, at least the best chance for the rest of my life.

Melissa Ebken  24:12  
Well tell us real quick about your podcast.

Megan Webb  24:16  
So I was very lucky to meet, in the course there were majority were Americans. And I've got some beautiful friends in America. Now I feel like going over and visiting everyone. And then there was some Australians. So there were five of us in the course. And one of them, Bella, said to me, who wants to do a podcast and I'm like, oh my gosh, I so want to do a podcast. Because even though I stopped even though my anxiety disorder stopped me, public speaking it's it's really what I want to do. So we dived headfirst into this podcast. We've just had a name change of it. So it's called Not Drinking Today. We wanted to appeal to everyone, anyone that's interested in it and we have about 40 episodes now. We interview all sorts of people; neuroscientists, authors, a health experts I've had a few anxiety doctors. The authors are there's Quick Lit out there for people that don't know what Quick Lit is, you know awesome memoirs, sobriety memoirs and and then we have interviews with everyday people like myself who have triumphed over drinking. And yeah, it's just a really uplifting, very casual chat with Bella and I, you know, we keep it real. Just just to help people along the way, when you listen to a podcast like that, you aren't, you know, it's such a good way to start the the journey of curiosity just changes the neuro pathways. It's a positive look at sobriety. It's just such a good way to start that journey of curiosity as these things on Instagram I love to follow positive sobriety in Insta posts, and there's so many more out there now. You know, the community is growing the curious sober curious movements growing this so much that you can reach out and see now but then, yeah, look, our podcasts are about 40 40 minutes to all the you know, record on when you go for a walk or in the car on your Bluetooth. But yeah, we've we've had some great guests, and it's just it is my passion. So I'm very excited to say I've I found a purpose and passion and yeah, so it's, it's really got me excited and helping me enjoy the sober life.

Melissa Ebken  26:52  
I'm so glad to hear that and the link to your website. And you know, if anyone is interested in reaching out to you or working with you or listening to your podcast, just click on the link to the website. In the show notes there are links to follow Megan and I know she has a generous heart and with love if anyone reached out to her so please do that. Megan, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today.

Megan Webb  27:21  
Thank you so much for having me, Melissa. It's been lovely to talk to you. Thank you.

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